OOO Day 29: I Won’t Keep Holding My Breath
Day 29: I Won’t Keep Holding My Breath
I wrote this song about it today because I was in my feels about it BIG TIME.
And I’m not trying to trivialize the emotions present in me and this tune by starting with this jaunty intro—because I know those “forgotten child to Father God” vibes are real to me and a lot of other people.
In general, a lot of us feel like somehow along the way God lost our application we filed in a timely manner for all the things we truly want.
(And if you feel like God’s special blessed one, well CONGRATULATIONS I HATE YOU).
Even when you’re working on gratitude and seeing the good and being thankful for sunsets or whatever, you can still be bummed and befuddled that God doesn’t seem to be answering those big, huge, heart-filling dreams you have.
You can like things about your life and still be sad.
You can appreciate your freedom and still want partnership.
You can enjoy the apple pie your friend baked while you’re visiting with her and then spend a good hour on your computer paying off credit cards and crying because those savings were put away for your dreams and now you have neither one—dreams OR savings.
I don’t know if there are any answer to this question. I sure haven’t found it yet.
But if there’s one thing I learned it’s that you gotta feel it out when you’re in that space. So I walked around for a good 30 minutes ranting, and then I wrote for a good 30 minutes ranting, and then I wrote this rant-y song.
So here we are. There’s no up-swing, orchestrated or sustained note of hope to this one.
I’m not currently holding my breath for answers—but somehow I know I’ll still keep asking, all the same.
I Won’t Keep Holding My Breath
I haven’t figured it out yet, God
are the prayers that you hear just from the dear ones you love?
All of these questions my heart’s been thinking of
I won’t keep holding my breath
for answers you haven’t given yet
Speak on the scriptures that you love the most
Faithfulness and charity, the breath of the holy ghost
sown seeds to warm and grow but the nights are bitter cold
So I won’t keep holding my breath
for flowers to turn into bread
I haven’t figured it out yet, God
are you a tender loving Father or a ruling iron rod?
All your ways are mystery, but would you speak to me because
I won’t keep holding my breath
I won’t keep holding my breath
I won’t keep holding my breath
I won’t keep holding my breath
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